Not expected

I am in total shock right now.  So Petunia's GAL called me to set up a visit for her.  I couldn't believe she called.  I asked her if she hadn't heard what happened.  She said, "Well I guess not. What happened?"
 I told her the the story about how she freaked me out at her last visit and that made us reopen our adoption homestudy. I told her we weren't expecting to get matched as quickly as we were. How I was waiting to meet the county worker so she could update me  on Petunia's case and let me know if we should go forward with the private adoption or not.  And how the case worker never made a visit that month.  So when Bear was born we said we needed respite and were told she had to be removed within the hour.  We begged her not to do that.  We love her and we wanted to adopt her. But she didn't listen.

The GAL was in SHOCK.  She was PISSED and she told me to hold on while I heard her tell her coworker what happened; and that we were an amazing home and she couldn't believe they did that to us or to her.

It restored my faith in the system.  The county worker broke code by doing what she did and removing her in the way that she did.  The GAL said she would call right now for immediate removal from the other foster home and place her back with us.  I told her no.  I didn't want her to be removed again if she was in an adoptive home.  I don't want to break another foster parents heart like ours was with Sweet Potato (I always wondered what I would do if I was in that situation.  Now I know.  I would do the right thing and not the selfish thing.)  It crushed me because I do want her back.  I know I would be able to take great care of both her and Bear.  They could be "twins".  We could do it and neither child would feel any less loved. I have two arms for a reason. hhahh

After everything was looked into further it was decided she would stay in the home she's in.

I am really glad this happened.  Not only did it make me appreciate having Bear that much more (I didn't even think that was possible) it made me realize for every bad case worker there is one good one.

He's here!!!!!

Our son "Bear" is here!!! This has been the most stressful week of my life!  The Hubs said it's the second most stressful, the only week that beats it being Pumpkin's birth and my near death.

Our bmom was induced a few weeks early and we were in heaven.  Our meeting was great and we were reassured. We are so in love with them and were so excited to meet our son.  The plan was to go up to the hospital once it was clear labor was close.  I called our foster agency to tell them we needed respite with the possibility of placement of Petunia; but we were going to give our 30 days notice after the 72 hours were up.  We got the ultimate shock when our social worker told us we had to decide right now.  Lose Petunia to anther foster home within the hour if we accept the private adoption or keep Petunia and call off the private adoption.  This was not our plan. We did not know the county worker could be so heartless. Then we get a call from bdad telling us they didn't want us to come to the hospital today.  I understood but getting the news that Petunia could be moved forever within the hour and then getting this FREAKED ME OUT! I thought we were going to end up losing two babies in one day.  It was not bdad's job to reassure me, but he did.  He said they wanted the day to rest and just be them.  I really really get it, but I really really thought they were going to decide to parent.  We had to chose.  The Hubs called the county worker and explained the situation that we won't know until 72 hours after the birth if he is our son or not.  She called our foster agency to discuss it more.  They then called us with the same thing. Chose.  I had a full blown panic attack.  We were so in love with the birth parents and wanted them in our lives.  We wanted to be done with the constant worrying and wondering. But we didn't know if they would actually place or parent.  I couldn't decide.  It was making me sick.  The hubs said without a shadow of a doubt, private adoption.  We could lose Petunia any second for any reason.  Any stranger could step forward, just like Sweet Potato.  Obviously I am so grateful to have such a solid rock in my life.  We told our foster agency and they straight up no joke took Petunia from my MIL's within the hour.  I was not prepared physically or mentally for this.  It was awful.  They were trying to find a reason to write us up.  And had the nerve to say to The Hubs, "because of this we would have a hard time considering you for any future placements."   Now they have threatened us with this in the past because I needed the case worker to take our foster child to a birth parent visit.  It was completely uncalled for.  They told us we didn't have enough clothing... Yeah, no kidding there was only enough for 4 days. We didn't have her bear, or piggy bank. etc.  We were not expecting her to leave like that.  Everything about the situation completely turned us off.  And without a shadow of doubt, we will not be renewing our foster license (which was only 2 hours of classes away, due at the end of the month).  We are PISSED with how this was handled.  PISSED! So I cried all day. My eyes were swollen.  We put all of our faith in the Lord.

The next morning we were waiting and staring at my phone waiting for an update.  I literally wouldn't let my phone go to sleep.  I didn't want to miss a text.  Finally we got it.  We were told to come up and meet Bear.  All of the weight of the world was lifted off.  They allowed a friend to take our pictures of our first meeting and I am SOOOOO GRATEFUL for them to allow it and for my friend to do it.  I was so at ease.  I was so in love.  He is crazy beautiful. It was amazing.  They let us hold him the whole time until they were discharged. They said goodbyes and everything was perfect...until we were moved into the breast feeding "room" more like a closet. I couldn't care less. I would have slept in the middle of the hallway as long as they let us keep our son with us.  We had a long night without a tv or window to look at all we did was watch our son and stare at our phones.   I knew the birthmom was having a hard time and it KILLED me.  Adoption really is the hardest thing.  Your joy and blessing is someone else's loss and heartache.  I really wish I could have carried all of their pain for them.  It wasn't until the morning that our adoption worker called and said they were second guessing their decision.  My heart fell.  I knew they needed to come to the decision they felt was right for them and for him.  But I was once again freaking out.  Bmom and bdad came up for a visit.  I am SOOOO happy they did. Our fears were put to rest.  They reassured us they knew adoption was the path they needed to take.  I can't say this enough... we are so blessed to have them in our lives.  Our visit was great.  They held him the whole time they were there.

We had a couple of friends come and visit, thank the lord because that room was awful.  The nurses thankfully snuck us into a private shower for the doctors.  I am so happy they did.  I get funky quick and have to shower EVERY day.  I wish I was the person who could go days without washing my hair.  My in-laws brought their laptop and some movies.  We brought movies, thinking we could use the tv in the room.  Bmom and I were texting back and forth and I felt great. Bear was amazing.  He is such an easy and lovely baby.  Awww he is perfection.

So then it was the last day, the day of the paperwork.  The minutes and seconds couldn't move any slower.  I just felt like it was never going to happen.  I thought we were going to be the couple with the ten failed adoptions.  I thought there was no way we were getting matched with a perfectly healthy baby.  God knew we were open to whatever He brought our way.  Then Ms P the adoption worker called to warn me they were having some doubts again.  But they still wanted her to go out.  At that point the minutes dragged to years.   5pm hit and still no news.  We tried to watch stuff on netflix but we couldn't keep our mind off of it.  We watched our phones over and over again.

We got a quick text from Ms P... the papers were signed.  He was officially our son.  I was in shock.

We cried. We kissed him over and over again.  We both wanted to scream it to everyone on the floor.  We have a son!!  Ms P came up right after she left there to do our paperwork.  After paperwork we were discharged.  It was great. We are home and the girls will be home to meet THEIR BROTHER tomorrow night after we get a good nights rest in a bed.  We facetimed them a couple of times in the hospital and they were so cute.  They kept saying his name and kissing the phone and trying to hug him.  Aww it was adorable.

So here we are now.  6 months from now will be our court date.  But we "officially" have our son.  We have two more people in our family.  We are so grateful to God for matching us with the perfect couple.

Nervous

As the day gets closer the more my nerves grow.  We are beyond excited to meet our son.  We are so blessed to have the birthparents in our lives.  They are so great.  I wonder how things will go in the hospital.

We had dinner with the bparents last night to get to know each other a little better and it was great.  Our electric went out as I was about to get in the shower.  So I couldn't blow dry my hair, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway because the rain would have ruined it.  I had to put my eye makeup on in the car.  They gave us a gift bag of the clothes they bought and have received as gifts it made me tear up. What doesn't nowadays.  They forgot the ultrasound pictures at home.  I got to feel her belly, but he wasn't kicking, that stinker.  When our waitress came over she asked if we were celebrating anything and we all looked at each other and laughed. I forget what I said but it was pretty generic. It was pretty funny and I'm sure the waitress thought we were nuts.  But we weren't going to say, Oh yes, we are celebrating the birth of our son; who's in her belly. This is a get to know you meeting. hahah They agreed not to circumcise and we are so thrilled (if you have different views, good for you. I don't want to hear them).  

During the middle of it I looked at my phone to get a picture or something.  I don't remember why, but my mom called me three times and didn't leave a message.  I excused myself from the table and called her back to find out my uncle was in the hospital.... I little back story on that.   My cousin is getting married this weekend out of state.  Nobody's family lives in the spot they are getting married.  The only person that lives there is my cousin, the bride. Not even her soon to be husband.  So when they decided to have the wedding there we were all saddened.  Most of my family couldn't make it.  I decided not to go because of the cost of the adoption and I had no idea what our family was going to look like.  I am SOO glad we decided not to go.  Anyway, my mom calls me crying, saying my uncle, the bride's father, had a brain aneurism and to start praying and email our other side of the family to pray as well.  That's basically all the info I got.  People kept calling me throughout dinner and I felt so rude getting up to take the call.  Hours later and well after dinner was over my mom called to say he was released, and they need to watch for signs.

Back to dinner.  Dinner was great and long.  I didn't realize how long it was going on until The Hubs said it looks like you won't be able to get a bear.  You see.  I had a special bear growing up as did all of my siblings.  So special we weren't allowed to play with it. haha My mom picked a special bear for all of us.  We picked a special bear (her only bear, but she is allowed to play with it) for Pumpkin and we would have for Honey, but she already had a bear.  I'm not sure if the foster parents gave it to her, or if her birth parents did, but it meant a lot that she had it before she knew us.  So that is her special bear.  It was really important to me that the bparents picked our sons bear.   I could tell him and show him pictures of how they chose that one especially for you.  We went to Build a Bear and I think they loved that. Whatever they wanted, we got for him.  We took it home and put it safely in his room.  It was about a minute before closing time and the girls working the store were so sweet and didn't pressure us to move along at all.  When I worked retail, that would not have been me.  I always closed the gate halfway at exactly 9 to tell the shoppers to get out. Unless they were spending $100+. Then stay as long as you'd like.

Of course, with all of this comes the discussion of Petunia. Our sweet baby girl.  After Petunia's GAL came over and scared the crap out of me we opened up our adoption homestudy again.  The whole thought behind this was that we more than likely wouldn't be chosen right away.  And if we were the baby wouldn't be here before Petunia's next court date.  Wrong and Wrong.   We were still fine with it. We told our agency that we needed to keep Petunia until she either went home or we would adopt her.  They were all fine with that until we were officially matched. After that, the agency sang a different tune.  They told us we would have to "get rid of Petunia".  And that is truly how I feel.  We NEVER thought we would disrupt a foster child.  We thought we would keep them to the end (at least during this point of fostering).  I STRUGGLED with this big time.  I felt like I was getting rid of her. It was awful. We contemplated what we should do.  I don't mean to toot my own horn, but if there was ever a person who could handle "twins" that person is me.  I knew without a shadow of a doubt I could do it.  But it wasn't up to me.  We had to chose. Foster or Adopt.  The Hubs and I both had many discussions and it was really really hard for us.  But we agreed that adoption is the best path for us.  I still needed validation.  My MIL was definitely on the same page as us. She agreed adoption is what we should do. But most people wouldn't help me decide.  They just said, this is hard.  A called my best foster mom friend and she flat out said, "Annie, I know you want all of these kids to be yours.  Petunia is not yours.  You need to do what's best for your family and chose adoption. They could take Petunia away at any second and then what would you do."  Bringing me back down.  She is so right.  She obviously fosters to foster. hahahah She loves her kids...most of the time. hhaha But I was so grateful for that advise.  Petunia isn't mine and what happened to Sweet Potato could definitely happen to her.  We could have had her a year or more thinking the whole time we were going to be able to adopt her because there was nobody else and then pop out of the blue comes a "family friend".   It really didn't help that I had ZERO contact with any of the county workers since I saw the GAL.  We have never met the ongoing worker. Just the investigative worker before she handed it over.  They are obviously both terrible at their jobs.  I could be a complete psycho and they would have no idea. It's devastating.  You wonder how there could be abuse while in foster homes... It's because of county workers like this.  Thankfully we aren't nuts.  Well at least in that sort of manner. hahah So anyway.  As my fears of a failed adoption were put to rest we have been setting up visits with another foster mom friend who also only fosters to adopt.  I am hoping and praying that they will call her and ask her to take Petunia.  She only lives a few minutes from us, in the millionaire part of town.  And I know I would get to see her and get updates and that I could take my girls over her house for a playdate. Besides that, I would hope someone who was in our shoes would do that same for us.  Thankfully, we don't have to "get rid of" (I hate saying that, but again. That's how I feel) Petunia until after our son is officially ours and the 72 hours are up.  If they hadn't allowed that there is no way we could have agreed to it.

We are 100000000000000000% confident with our choice now and couldn't be more excited.  This is a win win.  We get the son we've been dreaming of and the completion of our family.  We get the most amazing birth parents to share his life with. No more wondering and waiting and praying and stressing and eating. It's been three awful years and it's taken a toll on me.  Petunia gets to fulfill another woman's dream of adding another little girl to her family and completing that family.

AHHHH!!!! I can't wait to hold our sweet baby!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to say all of our struggles have come to an end.  Please, Please, Please Lord, let this be the end of our struggles.

Getting Petunia

Ok FINALLY!! We get there.

We got the dream call, for us, regarding fostering.  A baby that had a 100% chance of adoption. We were elated. 

Of course as the weeks went on we learned our chances of adoption aren't 100%.  I had a panic attack. I just kept thinking about our Sweet Potato.  I was terrified we would have our hearts crushed yet again. After learning that, we decided to open up our private adoption.  Totally thinking we wouldn't get picked immediately, again.  I thought if we were picked we wouldn't have a baby before Petunia's next court date.  I was wrong. These are the pickles I put us in. I know God has a plan and I know He will guide us to what we are supposed to do.

Our sweet Honey the morning after she broke her arm.

She had it wrapped for a week so any swelling could go down before she got her cast. 

We put one of The Hubs socks on her arm so she wouldn't unwrap it.  

 I love this cooky girl.  Here she is feeding Petunia. 

 Charley came over to meet the new lady.

 I don't know how this is the best picture I took of Frankie. 

overwhelmed

today ( by today, I mean yesterday.) Petunia's GAL came over for a visit. She told me her parents are going to try to do what they can to get her back.  Without telling you her story, trust me when I say this is insane and there needs to be foster care reform NOW! She told me visits will be starting soon.  I got really emotional.  She went on to say she is 95% certain we will be able to adopt her.  If you recall, I was told by the county there was a 100% chance we would be able to adopt Sweet Potato. We LOVE Petunia and are so happy to have her in our home. But we were told this is an adoption case and there would be no visits when we were matched with her.  I hate to say it, but we wouldn't have said yes if it were any other way. 

So, I called our adoption agency and told them to put us back in the stack.  I doubt anyone will pick us since we have two girls of our own and 1 baby in the house.  I also am a huge advocate of not rehoming foster kids. So of course saying Petunia has to go is NOT an option. 

This is the pits.

On a lighter note, our old foster social worker came over to update our homestudy and before I had a chance to see, guessed she was engaged. Half of her visit involved  looking at local wedding venues and the best wedding website...EVER. I really wish she was still our worker.  Petunia's new worker hasn't really opened up to me.  Since I wear my heart on my sleeve I do best with other people that do the same.

Darling Petunia

This little lady is a joy! Everyone tells me over and over how beautiful she is.  I'm sure it's mainly because my friends are just now all starting to get baby fever. It's about time. But she really is amazing and beautiful.  It's really hard because I've never had this little contact with the county workers with any of my previous babies.  We always talked, like every other day, with updates on the cases, if the b parents were late or no shows for visits.  With all of the past county worker's and GAL's they all wanted the babies to stay with us.  I just hope that the worker will call me immediately if there is a change (ie a family member pops up).  I am crazy in love with this little girl, but a part of me is still terrified that I'm going to get a call that a family friend is now interested in her.  Obviously, we've had that happen in the past and know it's a possibility.   The hardest part with all of this is the waiting.

When it is official that Petunia will become a member of our family we won't be done having kids. So the waiting and hoping will continue.  

It's easy to say, don't worry, don't stress about it. 

What is meant to be will be.

But how do I know I'm making the right choices to bringing our child home.

Obviously I go down every path and hope something happens. 

We started with Ethiopia, ended up with foster care. Foster care to surrogacy. Surrogacy to private adoption. Private adoption back to fostering. 

I know that if we didn't have our failed adoptions I wouldn't have said yes to Petunia.  Hindsight I can see how the choices we've made lead us to where we are, but man it's tough. 

I would love to be in a spot of my life to foster without the intention of adopting. 

I want Petunia to be officially ours so we can start calling her the name we will give her. 

I want my son! 

An update

I just wanted to give an update on our little Petunia.  We LOVE her. She is an amazing baby. She sleeps well, eats really well, and is all around our miracle.  The girls are so happy to have a baby back in the house.  So far, visits haven't started.  We don't know if they will or not, but it still looks like a 99% chance of adoption. I will be going to ALL of her court dates.  I know the county doesn't like when the foster parent comes, but that was my biggest regret with Sweet Potato. 

Our house is STILL on the market... :(  There is very little interest.  We just lowered our asking price and are hoping for things to move along.   My dream house is still pending (with someone else's offer) but we do have another house we are very interested in.  It would be an amazing opportunity to add a ton of value to it. Anyway... we will see.  Prayers are requested. 

My miracle baby

The county worker just left our house and asked me where Peanut was.  I told her she left a couple of months ago.  She told me that she was on our homestudy and that they almost didn't pick us because of having another baby.... Can you believe it?! But they did pick us and I am so grateful.

Petunia is perfect and I LOVE her! She is the best baby. She is so chill, eats well, and sleeps amazingly well.  I'm holding her non-stop (unless I'm sleeping) so she can get used to me, my smells, and my voice.

Things are still looking amazingly well for us to be able to adopt her.  PRAYERS!



On another note, I am super behind on my posts, so you will see how late I am because Honey is missing a cast in all of the pictures.  By the time I get to posting pictures of her in her cast she will probably be out of it. hahahaha

WOAH!

Yesterday was CRAZY!

So after we got home from our adoption agency and a few hours later I got a call from our foster agency about a referral. I told them to go on. They said there was a brand new baby girl and her goal was adoption (99.3% of foster kids the goal is reunification).  I asked if all family had been contacted and she told me there was no one else. I said yes.  That was all the information I was given before I told her to send in our homestudy.  She started going on, and I interrupted her again and said, please just send it now.  Remember in our county we are fighting with all of the other agencies and foster families for one specific child. 30 seconds really can make all the difference in getting placed and not getting placed. So I got off the phone with her and was SO NOT expecting to get chosen. She called me back a couple of minutes later and asked if I needed to check with the hubs.  I said, "No, I am in charge of all of this and he will be happy with whatever decision I make".  Now I'm really thinking we weren't chosen since they obviously hadn't sent my homestudy yet.  An hour goes by and we didn't get a call.  Finally our agency calls me.  Usually, in the past, when we were chosen the county worker calls me directly to set up a meeting point.  When she told me we were chosen I screamed.  I really still can't believe it.  They asked me to go to the hospital to get her in a couple of hours.

My brother came over to watch the girls and I headed out.  While I was waiting I got a voicemail from my brother.  I was getting horrible reception and couldn't make anything out so I texted him.  He told me to call him.  I did and he said "Honey might have broken her arm? Does her right arm look exactly like her left arm (I was so confused by this question)? She can move her arm, so I don't think it's broken" Then the hospital social worker calls me back to the room. I said, "Randy, I have to go, but I will ask our neighbor to come over." I called our neighbor and he thankfully came straight over and said, "Dude, her arm is broken".   My brother was freaking out.  He felt HORRIBLE and was crying.  Isn't he the sweetest.  I texted the Hubs and told him to go home immediately to assess the situation.  At this point I was holding our new sweet baby, we will call Petunia.

How did this all happen,  she fell off the potty. Seriously, how hysterical.

The Hubs took her to the hospital and I brought our new baby home.  My brother stayed with Pumpkin until I got there.  Of course, we had a required class we HAD to take for our recert.  My brother had to log me in to the webinar and I got home 2 minutes before it started.  The Hubs missed it and will get written up if the instructor can't find time before July to give him a one on one class.

Honey and the Hubs got home around 10 pm :(  She will get a hard cast in about a week.

Petunia is beautiful and perfect, and such an easy baby.

Thank you for all of your prayers.  We are head over heals in love with her and would appreciate all of your prayers that she stays with us permanently and this process goes VERY fast.

A call

We just got a call for a three day old baby girl from our foster agency, and I said... YES. hahah She's legal risk, so we'll see what happens.

That doesn't mean we will be picked.

******Update:  WE WERE PICKED! I am picking her up in a couple of hours

Respite baby

We watched this baby when we still had Peanut. And I LOVE her. She is the happiest/ smiliest baby and she gives me crazy baby fever.  I could hold her all day.  We've had her  a couple of days and Honey is in  heaven. She is pushing her around all over the place and kissing her constantly.  

She is ready for her brother to get here.

On that note. Bmom told me that the dr said if she remains unchanged next week he is going to "intervene"! 

I am seriously hoping that is the case.  All of this waiting and wondering is getting to me.

Lastly, our foster agency called me on a sibling set of three. I hate saying no.  They weren't anything we would normally consider (ie not legal risk) but I still hate saying no. 

She's gone

Her S.W. came today to take Peanut to her new family.  I am really upset.  I was crying pretty hard and Honey kept saying, "It's ok mommy. She will be back soon." I had to explain over and over again that she wasn't coming back and she was gone forever. Pumpkin kept asking me, "you ok mom?" When I would say I was sad she would say, "Don't worry." From the mouths of babes.  They both wiped my tears away with boogery tissues.  Pumpkin was holding my arm and cuddled right next to me and Honey came over and sat on my lap...and sat still. That is a miracle by itself.  

It was really sweet and I am so grateful to have these two precious little girls in my life. 

My brother (I act like I only have 1 brother, but I really have 4. You can tell I am closest to him) texted me last night and said :

I know "peanut's" leaving tomorrow and I just wanted to remind you it's not going to be too long before you can adopt without worrying about keeping an amazing kid. I love you.

Man I love him so much.  I really can't believe he's single. He is a catch.
My friend, Heather, also came over last night and was a huge support. We had wine, cheese, and chocolate. It was lovely and am glad I wasn't home alone while the hubs worked late.

I really truly am glad that we had Peanut and I loved having that tiny baby around the house.  I will miss fostering and I know I am going to be crazy anxious about the private adoption now.   I will miss fostering and really hope we can get back into once our family is complete, rather feels complete. 

But this is what cheered me up the most.  It reminds me of one of my best friends who will be home in the matter of days. She has been living in China for the last few years and hasn't seen Pumpkin since she was tiny and has never met Honey. 

http://perezhilton.com/2012-03-30-drunk-guy-sings-bohemian-rhapsody-back-of-a-cop-car#.T3XKCHj5_0c

The Blah's

I don't remember if I mentioned this and am too lazy to look back to see if I did. A while ago I made an inquiry about a 4 year old girl from Louisiana. In our county you have to submit your homestudy to hear the referral for a specific child. You then determine if you would like to move forward with the placement. So, I joined adopt us kids website specifically for this beautiful little girl and then was eventually told to submit my homestudy. I did and heard nothing for over a month. Well, I finally got an email from her caseworker saying they picked another family. I wrote the cw back saying I was happy she had a home but was unhappy to have this be the only communication between us. I mean, I hope I wasn't in the running without knowing anything about her except her age, race, and location.

To top things off my foster care social worker told me that I actually won't hear anything about the baby boy we are in the running for for a couple more weeks.

I know that God knows our child or who our child will be, but I would really love for Him to tell me soon. I am seriously getting depressed over this. Peanut is leaving in about a week (still no official date was given). And I really just want our family to be complete. I still get upset over losing Sweet Potato and I am just not good with waiting in general.

I have never been dumped, at least not since grade school. And I have never had to deal with this much rejection.

#1 Sweet Potato

#2 The sibling set we were matched with but the c.w.'s supervisor picked another family unknowingly

#3 Peanut

#4 The private adoption baby boy

#5 This little girl from LA (technically not matched but still feels like rejection)

I know this is a lot of complaining, and I'm sorry. I really am struggling with this. I don't want a pity party. I just want to be done with the anxiety, worry, stress. I feel like when you are able to have bio kids you don't get as stressed about adding to your family, because you can make it happen. But when you are leaving it 100% up to God and you have no control over the matter it's rough.

I know once we have our little one I will be so grateful for the wait because our child wouldn't be our child if we hadn't waited that time. I will know there was a reason that S.P. and none of the other matches worked out.

Who know's maybe all of these rejections are just here to tell us that our son is in Ethiopia.

Baby

I just went on our county website and I see the baby we were called on. He is so beautiful!!!! Now it makes it real and I really hope we are matched with him. Right next to him is a beautiful little boy that is a little bit younger than Pumpkin. I never wanted kids the same age (then I ended up with developmental twins) so we could end up having triplets. I can't decide if I want to send my homestudy in on him too? His homestudy is due in a week so maybe if we aren't matched with Little baby boy then I will consider triplet boy. I just don't know. Or should I just give faith to our private adoption process? This is stressful.

house and babies

We had our first showing today. I don't know how it went. But it was a few hours ago, so I'm guessing they don't want to put in an offer? ahaha I will call our agent soon to see if he heard anything. While the showing was going on we went over my cousin's. My cousin-in-law (is that a thing? My cousin's wife) was there too. It was nice to have some girl time. I love those ladies.

As we were getting ready to leave we got a call from our foster agency about a 1 year old boy. Honey's original adoption worker emailed our agency about him. I don't know if she emailed about us specifically or if other families are in consideration. But he is straight to adoption and we of course said yes. We should know more next week.

So some serious prayers are needed. Here's praying for a quick sale on our house and a new addition to our gang.

Referral

We just got a call for a 1 year old AA boy from our foster agency. It killed me to say no.

Respite

Saturday and Sunday I had a little bit of a melt down about our failed adoption. The hubs was out of town with his friends having a dude trip. I don't know what came over me. It's so silly. I only knew about this baby for a very short amount of time, but my heart completely fell in love with him. I hope that my guard isn't up for our next match. Anyway, I am just feeling sorry for myself, I will get over it. This is just a hard process. Adoption is hard.

Well anyway we did respite for a few days for this adorable baby girl a couple of days younger than Peanut. I am 100% convinced twins would be a blast and something I can totally handle. It is much more difficult when babies are 3 or more months apart.

Super creepy picture.

But really adorable babies behind the fuzz face

A beginning to new beginnings

Yesterday we got the unofficial (nothing with foster care is official until all of the paperwork is signed) word that Peanut should be leaving by the end of March. It really is bittersweet. She is so sweet and is such a wonderful baby. We would of course love for her to stay with us forever. I have asked the county worker to get a picture of the new family so we can start explaining it to the girls. I really hope that they will do that for us. To top it off, did you watch Parenth**d last night? Between Peanut leaving, the stress of the adoption, everything, I had a tiny melt down last night. I really love that show and everything that is going on with the adoption storyline makes me panic.

visit

I picked up Peanut from her birth parent visit and was pulled aside by the supervisor to tell me to always pack formula and to write her a note of when Peanut last ate. I was/ am pissed. I always tell them when she last ate, and that never stopped mom from making a new bottle that she wouldn't eat because she wasn't hungry. I packed a remaining bottle for Peanut to finish during the visit. I know that mom thinks she knows best for her daughter. I get that she wants to be in charge. But the truth of the matter is that Peanut doesn't know her and I totally believe she cries during the full visit because mom doesn't know how to handle her. It is just so frustrating to be talked to like that. One thing I don't handle well is when someone tells me that I am not doing a good job parenting or that someone implies it. I know the supervisor just wants to stay informed, but I am really upset that mom accused me of underfeeding Peanut. Urgh...

The babes

Having a house full of girls, who would have thought. Respite Baby is really so sweet and totally wonderful.

This is what I looked like on Friday trying to carry them both to the car.

The girls love her. I mean she is so happy, how could they not.

The difference 4 months makes.

Having done respite before with babies the same age and now two babies 4+ months apart, I will say having babies the same age or twins, is so much easier. Babies at different milestones is a lot more difficult. Plus the weight balance is just awkward to hold.