Nervous

As the day gets closer the more my nerves grow.  We are beyond excited to meet our son.  We are so blessed to have the birthparents in our lives.  They are so great.  I wonder how things will go in the hospital.

We had dinner with the bparents last night to get to know each other a little better and it was great.  Our electric went out as I was about to get in the shower.  So I couldn't blow dry my hair, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway because the rain would have ruined it.  I had to put my eye makeup on in the car.  They gave us a gift bag of the clothes they bought and have received as gifts it made me tear up. What doesn't nowadays.  They forgot the ultrasound pictures at home.  I got to feel her belly, but he wasn't kicking, that stinker.  When our waitress came over she asked if we were celebrating anything and we all looked at each other and laughed. I forget what I said but it was pretty generic. It was pretty funny and I'm sure the waitress thought we were nuts.  But we weren't going to say, Oh yes, we are celebrating the birth of our son; who's in her belly. This is a get to know you meeting. hahah They agreed not to circumcise and we are so thrilled (if you have different views, good for you. I don't want to hear them).  

During the middle of it I looked at my phone to get a picture or something.  I don't remember why, but my mom called me three times and didn't leave a message.  I excused myself from the table and called her back to find out my uncle was in the hospital.... I little back story on that.   My cousin is getting married this weekend out of state.  Nobody's family lives in the spot they are getting married.  The only person that lives there is my cousin, the bride. Not even her soon to be husband.  So when they decided to have the wedding there we were all saddened.  Most of my family couldn't make it.  I decided not to go because of the cost of the adoption and I had no idea what our family was going to look like.  I am SOO glad we decided not to go.  Anyway, my mom calls me crying, saying my uncle, the bride's father, had a brain aneurism and to start praying and email our other side of the family to pray as well.  That's basically all the info I got.  People kept calling me throughout dinner and I felt so rude getting up to take the call.  Hours later and well after dinner was over my mom called to say he was released, and they need to watch for signs.

Back to dinner.  Dinner was great and long.  I didn't realize how long it was going on until The Hubs said it looks like you won't be able to get a bear.  You see.  I had a special bear growing up as did all of my siblings.  So special we weren't allowed to play with it. haha My mom picked a special bear for all of us.  We picked a special bear (her only bear, but she is allowed to play with it) for Pumpkin and we would have for Honey, but she already had a bear.  I'm not sure if the foster parents gave it to her, or if her birth parents did, but it meant a lot that she had it before she knew us.  So that is her special bear.  It was really important to me that the bparents picked our sons bear.   I could tell him and show him pictures of how they chose that one especially for you.  We went to Build a Bear and I think they loved that. Whatever they wanted, we got for him.  We took it home and put it safely in his room.  It was about a minute before closing time and the girls working the store were so sweet and didn't pressure us to move along at all.  When I worked retail, that would not have been me.  I always closed the gate halfway at exactly 9 to tell the shoppers to get out. Unless they were spending $100+. Then stay as long as you'd like.

Of course, with all of this comes the discussion of Petunia. Our sweet baby girl.  After Petunia's GAL came over and scared the crap out of me we opened up our adoption homestudy again.  The whole thought behind this was that we more than likely wouldn't be chosen right away.  And if we were the baby wouldn't be here before Petunia's next court date.  Wrong and Wrong.   We were still fine with it. We told our agency that we needed to keep Petunia until she either went home or we would adopt her.  They were all fine with that until we were officially matched. After that, the agency sang a different tune.  They told us we would have to "get rid of Petunia".  And that is truly how I feel.  We NEVER thought we would disrupt a foster child.  We thought we would keep them to the end (at least during this point of fostering).  I STRUGGLED with this big time.  I felt like I was getting rid of her. It was awful. We contemplated what we should do.  I don't mean to toot my own horn, but if there was ever a person who could handle "twins" that person is me.  I knew without a shadow of a doubt I could do it.  But it wasn't up to me.  We had to chose. Foster or Adopt.  The Hubs and I both had many discussions and it was really really hard for us.  But we agreed that adoption is the best path for us.  I still needed validation.  My MIL was definitely on the same page as us. She agreed adoption is what we should do. But most people wouldn't help me decide.  They just said, this is hard.  A called my best foster mom friend and she flat out said, "Annie, I know you want all of these kids to be yours.  Petunia is not yours.  You need to do what's best for your family and chose adoption. They could take Petunia away at any second and then what would you do."  Bringing me back down.  She is so right.  She obviously fosters to foster. hahahah She loves her kids...most of the time. hhaha But I was so grateful for that advise.  Petunia isn't mine and what happened to Sweet Potato could definitely happen to her.  We could have had her a year or more thinking the whole time we were going to be able to adopt her because there was nobody else and then pop out of the blue comes a "family friend".   It really didn't help that I had ZERO contact with any of the county workers since I saw the GAL.  We have never met the ongoing worker. Just the investigative worker before she handed it over.  They are obviously both terrible at their jobs.  I could be a complete psycho and they would have no idea. It's devastating.  You wonder how there could be abuse while in foster homes... It's because of county workers like this.  Thankfully we aren't nuts.  Well at least in that sort of manner. hahah So anyway.  As my fears of a failed adoption were put to rest we have been setting up visits with another foster mom friend who also only fosters to adopt.  I am hoping and praying that they will call her and ask her to take Petunia.  She only lives a few minutes from us, in the millionaire part of town.  And I know I would get to see her and get updates and that I could take my girls over her house for a playdate. Besides that, I would hope someone who was in our shoes would do that same for us.  Thankfully, we don't have to "get rid of" (I hate saying that, but again. That's how I feel) Petunia until after our son is officially ours and the 72 hours are up.  If they hadn't allowed that there is no way we could have agreed to it.

We are 100000000000000000% confident with our choice now and couldn't be more excited.  This is a win win.  We get the son we've been dreaming of and the completion of our family.  We get the most amazing birth parents to share his life with. No more wondering and waiting and praying and stressing and eating. It's been three awful years and it's taken a toll on me.  Petunia gets to fulfill another woman's dream of adding another little girl to her family and completing that family.

AHHHH!!!! I can't wait to hold our sweet baby!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to say all of our struggles have come to an end.  Please, Please, Please Lord, let this be the end of our struggles.

Sneaky wolves

I don't remember where we were before hand (maybe my grandma's?), but on our way home the girls asked for icecream.  We allowed it so we stopped.

As the hubs went over to get it, this is what the girls did during their wait.

The following day Pumpkin, Petunia and I were outside. (Honey was at therapy) Pumpkin went inside. I assumed to go to the bathroom.  After she was gone for more than 10 minutes I went inside to check on her. 

She went into the freezer and got the left over icecream from yesterday and went to town. 

 Here I am trying to recreate my shock. 

Here mom. I'm done. 

And back outside to get down to business. 

 Sweet little Petunia. 

Gone swimming

With Little newborn Petunia and Honey in a cast; Pumpkin got some one on one with mom at Heather's parent's pool.  She was soaking in all of the attention and we had so much fun! 

This girl is SLATHERED in sunscreen.  

 Check list for a good time.

#1 ice- check

#2 mom- check

#3 dogs- check

#4 pool- check

#5 totally awesome friend- check

It really is so nice to be able to spend one on one with the kids.  One of the reasons we take them on dates.

I handed the camera over to Pumpkin. These are gems she took.

 Lovely! 

 pruney toes.  The best. 

Coming soon...

Welp, I'm all in.  A few days ago bmom and I started texting heavily. 

She REALLY reminds me of my sister.

As guarded as I tried to be with this adoption (which I hated), that's out the window. 

I am all in. I am so excited to hold our son. I can't wait to bring him home for good.  I know there is still a 50% chance this could fall through.  She hasn't gone through the hardest part and it's going to be especially hard on her.  

As excited as I am to know our son, I am equally as excited to have this amazing woman as part of our family. Adoption is hard, there are so many chances for heartache. But I would rather be there whole heartily for her no matter what choice she ultimately makes. 

I am in love with our son. I am in love with the birth parents. 

I really really really hope to be there for the delivery.  I doubt she will want me in the room, although I hope, but I pray she wants us physically in the hospital.  I don't care if I'm waiting in the most uncomfortable chair ever.  I don't care if I have to stand all 24+ hours.  

If something goes wrong with her, or with him, I want to be there. 

I also want to respect her space and I know I could miss signals of overstepping space. 

Bmom sent me a link to her vlogs.  I started watching them dating back a year.  The only break I took was to watch L*ve in the Wi*ld.  I really love that show, but wish they would bring back Best Friend's Forever.  Anyway, it really is such an amazing gift to be able to show our son when he's older.  "This is what your birth parents went through for you.  How lucky are you to have such an amazingly loving family."  It was really fun.  I could see so much and I feel like I lived through the pregnancy.  (I know I could never understand what a struggle they went through. But it was amazing to see).   

So that's where we are.  Our son will be here soon. We are so in love. We are so blessed.

Someone got her hair did

This was Honey's first time to the salon. The Hubs, Mimi, and Aunt Carrie took her while I stayed home with a weird sickness, Pumpkin, and Petunia. 

Now up until this point I learned everything I knew about black hair from online, despite having gone to cosmetology school.  I kid you not, I didn't have a single black person while in school.  I would have loved to have learned.  Of course we learned the basics about porosity, texture, etc

Also, one of the teacher's from Honey's school came to "help me with her hair".  I LOVE that and am SOOOO grateful for Ms V.  I told her I want her to be a permanent member in Honey's life so she could have a strong, positive black woman to look up to. And for the woman who stopped me at T*rget. 

Anyway, Honey's hair is FRIZZY!!!! No matter what I do, that's just her hair.  She doesn't really have a curl pattern to it.  It is tighter than corkscrew. 

But no matter what I did it looked unkept. Even minutes after it was done. 

I talked about it with MsV and for a while she thought it was something I was using on her hair.  We came to the conclusion that that's her hair. 

So anyway, since her arm is broken it was the perfect time to have her hair professionally styled.  This way I could tell if I was doing something wrong, and we wouldn't have to mess with it while she was in her cast. 

First off, a black salon is NOT run the same way a white salon is.  I never make appointments in advance.  I have 2 main people who cut my hair (up until this last cut; now I'm on the hunt) and I could always call the day of and one of the 2 could get me in. 

So the day I wanted to get her hair done, I called around and called around.  There wasn't a receptionist for the stylists you had to call the one person in the salon that did braids.  Most of the people I talked to were booked for the day and the other people didn't call me back. 

Finally, we got in.  Only hours later called to see if we could do it later.  I said yes because I was desperate to get her hair done. It was dinner time and she goes to bed almost immediately afterwards. 

Mimi sang our stylist praises.  And she told me that she was going to start a workshop for transracial families.  I told her I knew quite a few families that would 100% be there.  I hope she calls me when/ if she does it. 

I asked for micro-box-braids all over.  My guess is that she knew how much longer that was going to take so she cornrowed the front.  I didn't want that just because I knew it would look frizzy right away. 

But she said, "She (meaning me) needs to embrace the frizz.  She thinks black women are going to judge her."  Damn, how did she know that?!?!  hhhahaaa 

The truth of the matter is that I do get judged.  So far only in the most polite ways, but I have had a number of people ask me what I use in her hair to be shocked at my answer and knowledge.  I know I need to learn so much more.  But I do wish she had the hair that was just beautiful bouncy natural curls.  I LOVE her afro. But man, that's work to keep up too. 

So she cornrowed the front and did regular, not micro, box braids in the back. 

It was cute, but immediately frizzy.  Sorry Honey, I hope one day you can learn how to subdue those boogers.  Or better yet, embrace them. 

 Our plan was to keep this in until her cast came off, but we were supposed to have a impromptu photo shoot that got cancelled the day of.  After I took the braids out. By that point the frizz was out of control and not in any way picture ready. 

Italian Festival

As you know, my granny is an Italiano. 

She is in an Italian club that has members who are all from the same city in Italy. 

Well, they've kind of expanded to any Italian or a wife of any Italian since their original group started to die out. Gosh that sounds morbid. 

I regret that I didn't get my camera out sooner and take a picture of their booth.  

They make a lot of money selling homemade cookies and cannolis. 

Here is our sweet clumsy Honey.  

Before she got her official cast she had to wear a wrap to make sure any swelling had time to go down.  

We put a sock over it so she wouldn't unwrap it. 

And we put a sock around the neck to try and make it a little more comfortable. She hates the sling.

 Yukon and Penny made it up with their dad. 

 Oh my sweet girls. Your smiles bring me the greatest happiness. 

 Honey totally dissed Uncle Randy and his friend Anna in the high five department.  

Well, I guess it would have been pretty difficult to high five with her left hand.

 Pumpkin wanted this inflatable snake sword like nobody's business. 

Mom and dad are mean and were not going to pay for junk that she would only play with for 1/2 of a day.  We are like that in general with toys.  I'm sure some people would think my kids are deprived since they don't have anything that lights up or makes noise. 

 Anna and Joe weren't having it though.  

He went in there and won my Pumpkin her toy. 

 My distant cousins own the best gelato in our area.  Uncle Randy treated the girls to Mango.

I HATE mango.  But I'm not kidding, this is delicious. 

Every flavor I've had from them is amazing. 

 Randy also thought they HAD to have this poster.  I told him over and over no...

He didn't listen.

Petunia and I pose (she's in the sling) 

I LOVE HER!!! 

She was pissed that I took a picture so close.  

She always gets mad at me for being so close. She has serious boundary issues.  ahhaha But the real reason she doesn't like close ups is because "it makes her look old".  It doesn't matter how many times I tell her she looks old because she is old. 

Fact, she was my matron of honor and I told her she couldn't be in the wedding with dyed hair. 

If it wasn't for that she would still be coloring her hair. 

No children please

I did not want kids at my wedding.  They are loud. They cry. They get bored very easily.  Plus I wasn't going to pay full price for a dinner that they weren't going to eat. This is why I  NEVER take offense to a wedding invite that doesn't include my children.  But sometimes when your best babysitter is also going to the wedding, you are out of luck and you have to bring them... even if they weren't invited. hahahahhah 

 Needless to say we had to leave about 2 minutes into the ceremony

We made it back for dinner 

 The Great Grandparents we don't see often enough.

 But had to leave before the dancing started.

Dang kids...