Darling Petunia

This little lady is a joy! Everyone tells me over and over how beautiful she is.  I'm sure it's mainly because my friends are just now all starting to get baby fever. It's about time. But she really is amazing and beautiful.  It's really hard because I've never had this little contact with the county workers with any of my previous babies.  We always talked, like every other day, with updates on the cases, if the b parents were late or no shows for visits.  With all of the past county worker's and GAL's they all wanted the babies to stay with us.  I just hope that the worker will call me immediately if there is a change (ie a family member pops up).  I am crazy in love with this little girl, but a part of me is still terrified that I'm going to get a call that a family friend is now interested in her.  Obviously, we've had that happen in the past and know it's a possibility.   The hardest part with all of this is the waiting.

When it is official that Petunia will become a member of our family we won't be done having kids. So the waiting and hoping will continue.  

It's easy to say, don't worry, don't stress about it. 

What is meant to be will be.

But how do I know I'm making the right choices to bringing our child home.

Obviously I go down every path and hope something happens. 

We started with Ethiopia, ended up with foster care. Foster care to surrogacy. Surrogacy to private adoption. Private adoption back to fostering. 

I know that if we didn't have our failed adoptions I wouldn't have said yes to Petunia.  Hindsight I can see how the choices we've made lead us to where we are, but man it's tough. 

I would love to be in a spot of my life to foster without the intention of adopting. 

I want Petunia to be officially ours so we can start calling her the name we will give her. 

I want my son!