She's gone

Her S.W. came today to take Peanut to her new family.  I am really upset.  I was crying pretty hard and Honey kept saying, "It's ok mommy. She will be back soon." I had to explain over and over again that she wasn't coming back and she was gone forever. Pumpkin kept asking me, "you ok mom?" When I would say I was sad she would say, "Don't worry." From the mouths of babes.  They both wiped my tears away with boogery tissues.  Pumpkin was holding my arm and cuddled right next to me and Honey came over and sat on my lap...and sat still. That is a miracle by itself.  

It was really sweet and I am so grateful to have these two precious little girls in my life. 

My brother (I act like I only have 1 brother, but I really have 4. You can tell I am closest to him) texted me last night and said :

I know "peanut's" leaving tomorrow and I just wanted to remind you it's not going to be too long before you can adopt without worrying about keeping an amazing kid. I love you.

Man I love him so much.  I really can't believe he's single. He is a catch.
My friend, Heather, also came over last night and was a huge support. We had wine, cheese, and chocolate. It was lovely and am glad I wasn't home alone while the hubs worked late.

I really truly am glad that we had Peanut and I loved having that tiny baby around the house.  I will miss fostering and I know I am going to be crazy anxious about the private adoption now.   I will miss fostering and really hope we can get back into once our family is complete, rather feels complete. 

But this is what cheered me up the most.  It reminds me of one of my best friends who will be home in the matter of days. She has been living in China for the last few years and hasn't seen Pumpkin since she was tiny and has never met Honey. 

http://perezhilton.com/2012-03-30-drunk-guy-sings-bohemian-rhapsody-back-of-a-cop-car#.T3XKCHj5_0c

March for Trayvon

I was really hoping to find a march for Trayvon and luckily I heard it on the news the day before it happened.  Since it started at 5 the hubs was supposed to meet us but couldn't get there in time.

 My brother and my aunt came to show their support. I was really disappointed by the lack of white people there. Granted it was during a time when people were at work, but still, it would have been nice to see some support. 

It was way too hot for Peanut to be wearing her coat, but there were a lot of camera's there and I couldn't risk having her face on tv.

After the march the hubs met up with us and we got pizza

 Forgoing the plate 

 Pumpkin thought it was plate licking good (even though her pizza wasn't on there). 

I have no idea what my brother was thinking. He lifted his sleeve to show me his scar (let's not talk about how my arm is 3 times fatter than his. ok). Without saying a word I showed him mine and then we started laughed hysterically. Mine obviously wins. 

 Incase you couldn't see his.

 Pumpkin's new favorite thing to do is give "BIG HUGS" and we love getting them. 

 When we got back we went for a walk and got icecream. 

This is Pumpkin's impression of a whale. 

It's time

I knew this was coming, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. Peanut is leaving us on Friday.

This picture was just after she came to us. Only a few days old and super duper tiny. She has truly blossomed. She laughs all the time and is one of the happiest babies I have ever met. I am so happy to have had her the time we have and I would go through all the heartache all over again to have her.

I really wish my heart was in a better place to continue fostering. I really think it is something we will do after our next one. This time having the intent to foster and not adopt. Of course, open to adoption, but not the sole reason we are doing it. Right now I need a break. My heart needs a break. Hopefully when/ if we get back into it our state will get it's sh*t together and fix the system. Hopefully birth parents won't get chance after chance to fail. All the while leaving their children in limbo.

Peanut, you are so beautiful and we are going to miss you like crazy, especially Honey. You two have this unbelievable bond. I have never seen anything like it. You two lock eyes and giggle non stop. But we all love you. You were my daughter from the time you were born until you were 5 1/2 months old. In my heart you will always belong to me.

The Blah's

I don't remember if I mentioned this and am too lazy to look back to see if I did. A while ago I made an inquiry about a 4 year old girl from Louisiana. In our county you have to submit your homestudy to hear the referral for a specific child. You then determine if you would like to move forward with the placement. So, I joined adopt us kids website specifically for this beautiful little girl and then was eventually told to submit my homestudy. I did and heard nothing for over a month. Well, I finally got an email from her caseworker saying they picked another family. I wrote the cw back saying I was happy she had a home but was unhappy to have this be the only communication between us. I mean, I hope I wasn't in the running without knowing anything about her except her age, race, and location.

To top things off my foster care social worker told me that I actually won't hear anything about the baby boy we are in the running for for a couple more weeks.

I know that God knows our child or who our child will be, but I would really love for Him to tell me soon. I am seriously getting depressed over this. Peanut is leaving in about a week (still no official date was given). And I really just want our family to be complete. I still get upset over losing Sweet Potato and I am just not good with waiting in general.

I have never been dumped, at least not since grade school. And I have never had to deal with this much rejection.

#1 Sweet Potato

#2 The sibling set we were matched with but the c.w.'s supervisor picked another family unknowingly

#3 Peanut

#4 The private adoption baby boy

#5 This little girl from LA (technically not matched but still feels like rejection)

I know this is a lot of complaining, and I'm sorry. I really am struggling with this. I don't want a pity party. I just want to be done with the anxiety, worry, stress. I feel like when you are able to have bio kids you don't get as stressed about adding to your family, because you can make it happen. But when you are leaving it 100% up to God and you have no control over the matter it's rough.

I know once we have our little one I will be so grateful for the wait because our child wouldn't be our child if we hadn't waited that time. I will know there was a reason that S.P. and none of the other matches worked out.

Who know's maybe all of these rejections are just here to tell us that our son is in Ethiopia.

Trayvon Martin

When Trayvon lost his life, I cried. I still cry. This poor young boy. One overly zealous Zimmerman. Justice must come. I can't believe that the chief has yet to make an arrest and I hope he looses his job as a result of all of this. Zimmerman must be arrested. We cannot let all of the other Zimmerman's of the world think they can get away with murder. Justice must come for this young man. His family deserves at least that.

His Story

PLEASE SIGN THIS PETITION

Adoption Day

I can't believe it's been 1 year since Honey's official adoption.

All she asked for was a Hamburger. So she got the best hamburgers in town.

We sent cupcakes to school to celebrate and her teacher read children's books about adoption. I struggled about whether to tell her class or not. I figured better now than later. That it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

We love you baby girl and are so happy we have you.

No biggie

We still haven't heard anything about the 1 year old boy. I am praying and praying about him. If it's meant to be it will be. I'm sure they will be picking someone or a few families, either tomorrow or Friday. Peanut's social worker said he wrote his social worker and gave us a glowing recommendation. But he said her reply was nothing to get excited about. About how the matching process is completely random yada yada.

In other news Mimi and Honey were in a car accident yesterday after her therapy session. Everyone is fine. Honey was excited she got to ride in an ambulance and that she got a koala bear softie and a sticker.

I am so grateful to have this sweet face in my life. She is my baby, my active little love.

I am grateful for the Coccoro car seat that was in my MIL's car.

I'm grateful for my MIL, who is so involved with my children and such a wonderful Mimi.

She has to get a new car since the accident was on the highway and he was going high speed, her car was totaled. I'm excited to see what she is going to pick. I suggested the Prius V since she drives A LOT.

We were hoping to move back to the West side, where the hubs and I grew up. But now that my dream house sold I am feeling a little deflated. We are looking at houses tonight and if there isn't anything I love we might take our house off the market if our open house doesn't go well. I really LOVE Honey's school and wasn't excited about sending her somewhere else. However our house is too small. Especially for our ever growing family. Plus I was hoping to move to a dead end street.

What's meant to be will be.

Baby

I just went on our county website and I see the baby we were called on. He is so beautiful!!!! Now it makes it real and I really hope we are matched with him. Right next to him is a beautiful little boy that is a little bit younger than Pumpkin. I never wanted kids the same age (then I ended up with developmental twins) so we could end up having triplets. I can't decide if I want to send my homestudy in on him too? His homestudy is due in a week so maybe if we aren't matched with Little baby boy then I will consider triplet boy. I just don't know. Or should I just give faith to our private adoption process? This is stressful.

house and babies

We had our first showing today. I don't know how it went. But it was a few hours ago, so I'm guessing they don't want to put in an offer? ahaha I will call our agent soon to see if he heard anything. While the showing was going on we went over my cousin's. My cousin-in-law (is that a thing? My cousin's wife) was there too. It was nice to have some girl time. I love those ladies.

As we were getting ready to leave we got a call from our foster agency about a 1 year old boy. Honey's original adoption worker emailed our agency about him. I don't know if she emailed about us specifically or if other families are in consideration. But he is straight to adoption and we of course said yes. We should know more next week.

So some serious prayers are needed. Here's praying for a quick sale on our house and a new addition to our gang.

It's official

Well, our house is officially on the market. I am so sad and so excited.

I pray for a quick sale because living in a show ready house is really difficult, especially for me. You know how I keep my house. hahah

The house that I fell in love with sold. I was not expecting it to go that fast. It was really overpriced so I thought it would be on the market a while. wrong. But that's ok. It's all in God's plan. I just really hope it's His plan that we move because we are busting at the seems in this house. Especially with baby to be hopefully coming soon.

We still don't have an official word of when Peanut is leaving. Her social worker was going to call her family and ask them again if they really wanted her because we are more than willing to adopt her. Her and Honey have this unbelievable connection. It's so sweet. Both of my girls are very nurturing but there's just something about Honey and Peanut. They are so sweet together.

Must Read

If you have an interracial family, or are considering adoption, you should read this book. It is wonderful. It interviews adoptees and their journey and how they feel about transracial adoption. I really want to hear what the latest generation has gone through. I feel like with every generation it will get easier and easier for the children. I feel like more girls had a problem with being transracially adopted instead of boys.

In Their Own Voices

If you've read this book, what do you think?

Taking her time

I've been having a really big struggle with Honey not listening to my directions. This often results in 30 minute dressings.

She put on EVERY SINGLE piece of clothing backwards. Pants, underwear, everything

Gram and Gramp

My parents came over to hang out for a little bit. They helped put the kids to bed and ended up reading about 10 books.

They started off with Pumpkin's favorite I need my monster

Gramps had a hard time reading, so did Gram. They forgot their cheaters.

Next was Edith Ellen Eddy. Honey stuck around for this one. This is one of my favorites.

I am SUPER picky when it comes to picture books.

Referral

We just got a call for a 1 year old AA boy from our foster agency. It killed me to say no.

The Best Picture

The Hubs has a really bad fake smile. But this picture is just amazing. My new favorite picture by far. Man do I love him. He is really so perfect. By making me happy is what makes him happy. He is so involved with the girls and he truly is my everything.

I love you so much Babe!