Tuesday, September 27, 2011
On the verge
For the last few days I have been on the verge of a complete cry fest. There have been a few random tears, but no real breakdown. Then, today, a Sufjan Stevens song came on the radio. When I heard the first cord I started crying and I couldn't stop. I had Pumpkin and Sweet Potato in the car, so I didn't/ couldn't cry out loud. It was a silent cry and I would smile and then bite my lip in case she was looking at me in the rear view mirror. I'm sure this will be nothing compared to what's about to come. I have been completely nauseous and just been totally depressed. For some reason I thought I was going to do ok with this transition. I was totally wrong.
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It's ok to grieve, Annie. And it's OK for your kids to see you grieve. I'd say you're probably facing the hardest thing you've ever had to do but it sounds like you've already been through some pretty hard junk. You will get through; God will get you through to the other side … but you don't have to be OK right now or from a good while after the transition. You have my permission to be a mess. :)
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