Welp, I'm all in. A few days ago bmom and I started texting heavily.
She REALLY reminds me of my sister.
As guarded as I tried to be with this adoption (which I hated), that's out the window.
I am all in. I am so excited to hold our son. I can't wait to bring him home for good. I know there is still a 50% chance this could fall through. She hasn't gone through the hardest part and it's going to be especially hard on her.
As excited as I am to know our son, I am equally as excited to have this amazing woman as part of our family. Adoption is hard, there are so many chances for heartache. But I would rather be there whole heartily for her no matter what choice she ultimately makes.
I am in love with our son. I am in love with the birth parents.
I really really really hope to be there for the delivery. I doubt she will want me in the room, although I hope, but I pray she wants us physically in the hospital. I don't care if I'm waiting in the most uncomfortable chair ever. I don't care if I have to stand all 24+ hours.
If something goes wrong with her, or with him, I want to be there.
I also want to respect her space and I know I could miss signals of overstepping space.
Bmom sent me a link to her vlogs. I started watching them dating back a year. The only break I took was to watch L*ve in the Wi*ld. I really love that show, but wish they would bring back Best Friend's Forever. Anyway, it really is such an amazing gift to be able to show our son when he's older. "This is what your birth parents went through for you. How lucky are you to have such an amazingly loving family." It was really fun. I could see so much and I feel like I lived through the pregnancy. (I know I could never understand what a struggle they went through. But it was amazing to see).
So that's where we are. Our son will be here soon. We are so in love. We are so blessed.
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