Home for the holidays

Tonight is probably the saddest night on tv.  Dave Thomas' foundation. A Home For The Holidays. Of course I watch every year, but get the tissues out.  It highlights some stories of kids adopted through foster care and some that are still waiting.  It's tonight, the 19th, at 8 on CBS

The meeting

Well the meeting that was supposed to happen months ago, at our foster agency, happened. The supervisor I was supposed to meet with was on maternity leave. And the other person/ mediator quit. So I called and spoke with the president of the company. She is very sweet and we talked for a while. I explained things on my end and how poorly things were worded on their end.  She asked me questions they had on their end. Things were cleared and I feel better. She asked me if we wanted to foster again. I told her yes, but I'm not sure. Obviously I am sick and tired of this drama, but I don't want that door to be bolted shut.  I am also terrified that we won't be able to save enough for our final adoption. And of course nervous nobody will pick us since we have three kids (sound familiar?).

Party

Friday I got a text from Sweet Potato's mom, the "family friend", inviting me to his 2nd birthday party that Sunday.  His birthday was in October, so to say I was curious is an understatement.  Not to mention I haven't heard a single word from her since she got custody of him.  Oh I take that back, after she got custody and the county mailed me his insurance card.  Still over a year ago.  Of course I didn't hesitate and said yes instantly.  I was incredibly anxious and didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want to get asked over and over about how I was doing.  I did however tell my mom.  She demanded to come because she was concerned for my safety.  I wasn't worried, but it was odd that I hadn't heard anything in over a year and his birthday was two months before his party.  So I told her she could come under one condition.  She could not overreact and NO crying.  She said she wouldn't, I didn't believe her, but she came.

We got there and the employee directed us on where the party was.  I saw him instantly.  He looked exactly the same.  His hair was longer and he really hadn't grown that much in a year.  He was walking.  He seemed really happy.  I saw his new mom after a couple of minutes being there.  We said hi like we were high school friends.  That was a little weird to me.  This is the woman who I competed against for out son.  She was the one who lied to the judge and told him what a great relationship we had.   She was the one that took him away.  But I was grateful to be invited.  There was only one part when I got teary.  Sweet Potato grabbed on to Pumpkin and was memorizing her.  That got me.   He doesn't remember us, but more importantly, my girls didn't remember him.

I know that they were still very young when we had S.P. at twin 2 year olds, but I thought maybe after they saw him something would spark for them.  It didn't.  Their greatest loss was Peanut.  They were older when we had her, even though we only had her for 6 months.  I am truly grateful they invited me to go. Seeing him with them put my heart and mind at ease.  It gave me the closure I needed to see and realize, he is no longer my son.  My heartache I've carried for so long, gone within a two hour period.  I'm not saying I won't think of him often, or cry on his birthday.  But I don't think I will be thinking of him daily.  I don't think I will have that pain in my heart anymore.  Only time will tell what I will actually feel.  But today I feel like I got closure and am so blessed to have the forever family I do.

Is this the end?

I have tried to write a post a few times and blogger is telling me I am out of space and that I need to upgrade.  While I love to write this blog, I am not going to pay to write when I don't make any money off of it.

Does anyone know of any way around upgrading to continue uploading pictures? If not, I guess my blog posts will become a lot more sparse and not vary exciting until we start the adoption process again.

Surprise

I found Honey's birthmom online.   I was given a very small picture of her from Honey's previous foster home.  So I was pretty sure it was her.  When I clicked on her picture I saw Honey's picture. BOOM there it was.  I was digging around and looked on her Bio grandma's page who is surprisingly VERY normal.  When I got that tiny picture of Honey's Bmom I had an idea of bio grandma in my head and that was not it.  So then I started thinking, could I have a relationship with this woman? Honey would obviously love it.  Most children who were adopted crave to know that other half.  While I have zero desire to have contact with her bmom.  I seriously think it would be good for her to have some information about that part of her life.  Who knows, maybe I would even get some more pictures!

IF we wrote her I would have a friend send my email address anonymously.  We would go by first names until I felt comfortable sharing. I would refer to Honey by her birthname, again, until I felt comfortable.

So, what do you think? What would you do? Would you wait until Honey starts asking questions? Or go now? Or close the door completely?




I also saw that Petunia has been (or will soon be) adopted. Well that went much faster than I thought it would. The picture of her is so pretty. While I am 1000% happy with the choice we made; seeing that made me wonder about the possibility of having two babies right now.   I know it worked the way God had planned it, but she was such a sweet baby and I will always think of her.  We were chosen because her forever family wasn't ready for her yet.  We were meant to have our lovely Bear.  And we were meant to have another brown baby in the family.  If it would have worked out and we were allowed to keep Petunia, Honey would have been the odd ball out, and I don't like the idea of that one bit.

But having Petunia made me really want another little girl.  While I was set on saying only an AA or biracial baby boy for our last one, I THINK we might say either sex.  With Bear, we said if the birth parents don't know the sex show us, but if they know they are having a girl, don't show us.  I don't know that I will be that specific next time.  While I would LOVE to have a brother for Bear, I would also love another little girl.  Of course, I gave away all of my girls clothes because I thought that was it. I have a girls named picked and planned (that would have been Petunia's name).  I don't have a boys name picked, we have a short list.



And on another totally random note, Honey keeps asking when Bear is going to leave and where Peanut is.  I'm afraid I scarred her for life by fostering.  Of course if we didn't foster we wouldn't have her.  It doesn't matter how many times I explain that Bear is staying with us forever she doesn't get it.  I'm seriously wondering if I should put her in therapy to help her get over that loss??  Maybe it's something she will understand as she matures?

Christmas came early

Pumpkin and The Hubs have been asking for another French Bulldog since we lost Nigel. 

I have been wanting a Newfoundland since 1997. 

Everyone knew I was planning on getting a puppy since Harold is getting old, ancient in large breeds (roughly 8 or 9, since we got him from the pound we can't be sure), and his hips are giving out. 

But they just kept asking and asking. I mean, ALL the TIME. Between the two of them, it was bad. 

I kept trying to convince Pumpkin that she really wanted was another Harold puppy, but alas, that didn't happen. 

So randomly, the day after we looked at some dogs at Petsm*rt, not to get, just to look.  The Hubs and Pumpkin were ruthless. 

So while The Hubs was at work I called some breeders. 

They texted me a few pictures of the puppies. 

 And I fell hard. 

 So did she. 

I REALLY REALLY fell in love with a brindle.  

But his personality was just like Nigel's, and I knew better. 

 I put down a deposit down on Clark and came back a few days later. 

 This is Clark's momma.  

(see the brindle with the white blaze biting the other puppy.  That's the one I loved)

 Holly loves him... Harold... I think he's just getting grumpy and old. haha

 Even still, she won't put him down.  She loves him so much. 

 This is where Nigel slept. 

 And we surprised the hubs. 

 He got off of work, 

 opened his gift 

 And was so shocked and so happy. 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Sure I skipped a bunch of posts so this wasn't over a month behind.  Don't hate.

We didn't get around to carving pumpkins until the day before Halloween. 

 The girls picked what they wanted their pumpkin to look like.  How many eyes? What shape eyes? Does it have a nose? What shape nose? Does the mouth have teeth? You get the point.  They told dad how far down to cut, when to stop and placement. 

 This picture of their pumpkins sums up the girls personalities perfectly. 

 Bear was OVER it, and ready for bed. 

 And then I calmed him down, and so did Pumpkin.

Ok, Halloween. 

The girls picked out their costumes, but it was a cold day, so we had to layer and layer and layer Honey.

My brother came, just like last year.  I think he needs a little lessen in multitasking. 

(Also, lets just ignore the beer carton on the ground hahahah)

 I turn around and Honey was straight up talking to her parrot.