Baby #4

We are officially waiting on baby #4 to join our family starting April 1st.

You can follow that journey on my new blog.

New Blog

Well, I started a new blog since blogger wouldn't allow me to post pictures.  I gave myself some time to see if I would actually continue blogging, and I have.

So, if you'd like to follow us on journey, here's a link to our new blog.  

http://addingmembers.wordpress.com/

All future posts will go there and this blog will remain as an archive for our family. 

scatterbrained post on adoption

When you look into adoption you become desperate (just from my experience, this may not pertain to you). Your fate is in the hands of a stranger.  You MUST have faith in God.  It's hard.  My biggest struggle is to know if you are on the right path.  Heather was so sweet when we were struggling and told me God is so happy you keep saying YES.  Does that make me insane, or just that trusting in Him?  I don't know.  I wanted 5 kids. We settled on 4.  I didn't want 1 and I hoped for more than 2.  I didn't let the fact that not being able to carry a child prevent me from having children.

 I can look back on my life and see that this is what God prepared me for.  I only knew one transracial family growing up.  They had adopted like 6 AA boys, 1 AA girl, and 1 Caucasian boy (they have since adopted two children from Asia).  One day walking home from school I witnessed the most racist thing I had ever seen.  These kids were the only black kids in the entire school and one of the little boys was asked to go over his friends house.  When they got to his friend's home his mom would NOT let him in.  I don't know how long I sat there staring.  But I was there when his mom came to pick him up.  He couldn't have been more than 7.  I was probably 11.  My heart broke for this little boy who only wanted to play with his friend.  
When I was in highschool I would read the adoptive parent listing hoping someone would chose them to parent.  I used to "pick" which family I would give my totally hypothetical child (I was a virgin and had no plans on not being one).  
I loved every child (and still do).  I fall hard and fast for babies.  When I say, "your baby is the most beautiful little nugget" I mean it.  It is totally sincere and in that moment I fell in love with your baby.
I did a lot of volunteer work in highschool with children with down syndrome. Special adult dances, Adaptive Aquatics.
Also, in highschool I became OBSESSED with biracial babies.  I thought there was nothing more beautiful than a biracial baby/ child/ person.  I have never dated a black man, and this is a sad truth, when I knew I was going to marry The Hubs I was disappointed that my dream of having a biracial baby would never come to fruition.  I know how insane that is.  But the truth is, all of this prepared me for the life I was going to have.

Now my crazy baby fever has totally subsided, but when people find out you want to adopt all of a sudden these babies just pop up out of the woodwork.  I can't even remember how many people have told me about a birthmom, or about a child who needs an adoptive home.  Of course, I take every lead head on.  Who knows if anything would come of it, 99% of the time it's pretty much a dead end.  Someone wishes their daughter would place her child, or they are already in fostercare.  But you have to have faith that maybe at some point there is a possibility that maybe that could be your little one.

Right now I am struggling.  I don't know where the money will come from for our last kid.  I have to have faith. I know He has someone special for me. But dag, it is hard.  I do not want Honey to be the only black kid in our house.  I know He has a plan.  I would just love for Him to share it with me.  My dream family will happen.  We will have 4. And I can't wait to be done with all of this waiting, guessing, and struggling.

Tax Credit

Can someone please let me know what is going on with the tax credit? One thing I hear, you don't need   to finalize in progress domestic adoptions in order to claim expenses paid.  Then I hear it doesn't matter if it's in progress.  If you haven't finalized in 2012 you don't get the tax credit.

I HOPE TO GOD we can claim our adoption.  If not, we cannot afford to do another adoption  :(


I am sinking down into a little bit of a depression.  (Please do not say I should be happy with the family I have.  Please read this book if you don't understand how I feel)

Home for the holidays

Tonight is probably the saddest night on tv.  Dave Thomas' foundation. A Home For The Holidays. Of course I watch every year, but get the tissues out.  It highlights some stories of kids adopted through foster care and some that are still waiting.  It's tonight, the 19th, at 8 on CBS

The meeting

Well the meeting that was supposed to happen months ago, at our foster agency, happened. The supervisor I was supposed to meet with was on maternity leave. And the other person/ mediator quit. So I called and spoke with the president of the company. She is very sweet and we talked for a while. I explained things on my end and how poorly things were worded on their end.  She asked me questions they had on their end. Things were cleared and I feel better. She asked me if we wanted to foster again. I told her yes, but I'm not sure. Obviously I am sick and tired of this drama, but I don't want that door to be bolted shut.  I am also terrified that we won't be able to save enough for our final adoption. And of course nervous nobody will pick us since we have three kids (sound familiar?).

Party

Friday I got a text from Sweet Potato's mom, the "family friend", inviting me to his 2nd birthday party that Sunday.  His birthday was in October, so to say I was curious is an understatement.  Not to mention I haven't heard a single word from her since she got custody of him.  Oh I take that back, after she got custody and the county mailed me his insurance card.  Still over a year ago.  Of course I didn't hesitate and said yes instantly.  I was incredibly anxious and didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want to get asked over and over about how I was doing.  I did however tell my mom.  She demanded to come because she was concerned for my safety.  I wasn't worried, but it was odd that I hadn't heard anything in over a year and his birthday was two months before his party.  So I told her she could come under one condition.  She could not overreact and NO crying.  She said she wouldn't, I didn't believe her, but she came.

We got there and the employee directed us on where the party was.  I saw him instantly.  He looked exactly the same.  His hair was longer and he really hadn't grown that much in a year.  He was walking.  He seemed really happy.  I saw his new mom after a couple of minutes being there.  We said hi like we were high school friends.  That was a little weird to me.  This is the woman who I competed against for out son.  She was the one who lied to the judge and told him what a great relationship we had.   She was the one that took him away.  But I was grateful to be invited.  There was only one part when I got teary.  Sweet Potato grabbed on to Pumpkin and was memorizing her.  That got me.   He doesn't remember us, but more importantly, my girls didn't remember him.

I know that they were still very young when we had S.P. at twin 2 year olds, but I thought maybe after they saw him something would spark for them.  It didn't.  Their greatest loss was Peanut.  They were older when we had her, even though we only had her for 6 months.  I am truly grateful they invited me to go. Seeing him with them put my heart and mind at ease.  It gave me the closure I needed to see and realize, he is no longer my son.  My heartache I've carried for so long, gone within a two hour period.  I'm not saying I won't think of him often, or cry on his birthday.  But I don't think I will be thinking of him daily.  I don't think I will have that pain in my heart anymore.  Only time will tell what I will actually feel.  But today I feel like I got closure and am so blessed to have the forever family I do.

Is this the end?

I have tried to write a post a few times and blogger is telling me I am out of space and that I need to upgrade.  While I love to write this blog, I am not going to pay to write when I don't make any money off of it.

Does anyone know of any way around upgrading to continue uploading pictures? If not, I guess my blog posts will become a lot more sparse and not vary exciting until we start the adoption process again.

Surprise

I found Honey's birthmom online.   I was given a very small picture of her from Honey's previous foster home.  So I was pretty sure it was her.  When I clicked on her picture I saw Honey's picture. BOOM there it was.  I was digging around and looked on her Bio grandma's page who is surprisingly VERY normal.  When I got that tiny picture of Honey's Bmom I had an idea of bio grandma in my head and that was not it.  So then I started thinking, could I have a relationship with this woman? Honey would obviously love it.  Most children who were adopted crave to know that other half.  While I have zero desire to have contact with her bmom.  I seriously think it would be good for her to have some information about that part of her life.  Who knows, maybe I would even get some more pictures!

IF we wrote her I would have a friend send my email address anonymously.  We would go by first names until I felt comfortable sharing. I would refer to Honey by her birthname, again, until I felt comfortable.

So, what do you think? What would you do? Would you wait until Honey starts asking questions? Or go now? Or close the door completely?




I also saw that Petunia has been (or will soon be) adopted. Well that went much faster than I thought it would. The picture of her is so pretty. While I am 1000% happy with the choice we made; seeing that made me wonder about the possibility of having two babies right now.   I know it worked the way God had planned it, but she was such a sweet baby and I will always think of her.  We were chosen because her forever family wasn't ready for her yet.  We were meant to have our lovely Bear.  And we were meant to have another brown baby in the family.  If it would have worked out and we were allowed to keep Petunia, Honey would have been the odd ball out, and I don't like the idea of that one bit.

But having Petunia made me really want another little girl.  While I was set on saying only an AA or biracial baby boy for our last one, I THINK we might say either sex.  With Bear, we said if the birth parents don't know the sex show us, but if they know they are having a girl, don't show us.  I don't know that I will be that specific next time.  While I would LOVE to have a brother for Bear, I would also love another little girl.  Of course, I gave away all of my girls clothes because I thought that was it. I have a girls named picked and planned (that would have been Petunia's name).  I don't have a boys name picked, we have a short list.



And on another totally random note, Honey keeps asking when Bear is going to leave and where Peanut is.  I'm afraid I scarred her for life by fostering.  Of course if we didn't foster we wouldn't have her.  It doesn't matter how many times I explain that Bear is staying with us forever she doesn't get it.  I'm seriously wondering if I should put her in therapy to help her get over that loss??  Maybe it's something she will understand as she matures?

Christmas came early

Pumpkin and The Hubs have been asking for another French Bulldog since we lost Nigel. 

I have been wanting a Newfoundland since 1997. 

Everyone knew I was planning on getting a puppy since Harold is getting old, ancient in large breeds (roughly 8 or 9, since we got him from the pound we can't be sure), and his hips are giving out. 

But they just kept asking and asking. I mean, ALL the TIME. Between the two of them, it was bad. 

I kept trying to convince Pumpkin that she really wanted was another Harold puppy, but alas, that didn't happen. 

So randomly, the day after we looked at some dogs at Petsm*rt, not to get, just to look.  The Hubs and Pumpkin were ruthless. 

So while The Hubs was at work I called some breeders. 

They texted me a few pictures of the puppies. 

 And I fell hard. 

 So did she. 

I REALLY REALLY fell in love with a brindle.  

But his personality was just like Nigel's, and I knew better. 

 I put down a deposit down on Clark and came back a few days later. 

 This is Clark's momma.  

(see the brindle with the white blaze biting the other puppy.  That's the one I loved)

 Holly loves him... Harold... I think he's just getting grumpy and old. haha

 Even still, she won't put him down.  She loves him so much. 

 This is where Nigel slept. 

 And we surprised the hubs. 

 He got off of work, 

 opened his gift 

 And was so shocked and so happy. 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Sure I skipped a bunch of posts so this wasn't over a month behind.  Don't hate.

We didn't get around to carving pumpkins until the day before Halloween. 

 The girls picked what they wanted their pumpkin to look like.  How many eyes? What shape eyes? Does it have a nose? What shape nose? Does the mouth have teeth? You get the point.  They told dad how far down to cut, when to stop and placement. 

 This picture of their pumpkins sums up the girls personalities perfectly. 

 Bear was OVER it, and ready for bed. 

 And then I calmed him down, and so did Pumpkin.

Ok, Halloween. 

The girls picked out their costumes, but it was a cold day, so we had to layer and layer and layer Honey.

My brother came, just like last year.  I think he needs a little lessen in multitasking. 

(Also, lets just ignore the beer carton on the ground hahahah)

 I turn around and Honey was straight up talking to her parrot. 

collection

Another collection of pictures to try to catch up. 

I know these kids aren't biologically related... but they have THE SAME personality 

Nonna fixed Pumpkin's dress.  She wore it ragged. I think she will be getting some new dresses for Christmas 

I have been so excited for all of my kids to be able to take a group bath.  

I had a blast with my brothers growing up. 

Pumpkin took her job of holding him VERY seriously (for the picture only)

 Honey getting to hold him because Heather was there to catch him

A gorgeous black woman totally rocking her natural hair told me she loved Honey's hair. (NOT this hairstyle from unbraiding before her washing.) But I just wanted to say it, because that to me was the A+ of awards.  I don't care if she really meant it or not.  

She got into Bear's diapers and made some kneegaurds 

 Pumpkin thought that was a great idea 

Pumpkin steals all of my combs and I can never find them.  This is some of the things she does with them. 

 GIRLS NIGHT! We played mall madness, which I was never allowed to play growing up.  So this was my first time playing and I LOVED IT! I totally know why my mom banned it, it makes you think there is no value to a dollar and it's NO big deal to use credit cards.  With that being said, I hated her back then for never letting me do all the cool stuff. 

Pumpkin Patch

I look forward to this pumpkin patch every year.  

It's our tradition to go with my mom and dad and it is heaven. 

We always run out of time to go and see it all. 

My mom cut her hair off.  The process to go grey has begun. 

 MAYBE this time next year our family will be complete

 I just can't get over how much Pumpkin loves Bear. 

 My dad got it right.  Have a seat and let them do the work. haha

 We were going to wait for the horse carriage, but the family in front of us was the one that was cut off and next up...

 hahhah This picture makes me laugh.  My dad was trying so hard to get them to look in the camera.  Welcome to my world dad. 

 Isn't this too sweet.  I couldn't have planned a more perfect picture. 

Nothing is sweeter than a father and his daughter. 

 This year's batch of pumpkins were the pits.  I didn't think we went that late, and I know in general the pumpkin crop was bad... but there were no good pumpkins. 

 We all got on the swing and rode, even Bear.  

 And really, this bounce house is the best.  If I could go again with just my friends I would. 

I would love for someone I know to get married here so I can bounce on here. 

Fall fest

Part of our fall tradition is to go to the farm's halloween festival. 

Shannon, Paul, and Bea met us there.

 They played ring around the rosey while they waited in line for the obstacle course. 

 Finally, a picture I love of me and Bear. 

 Aren't Honey's eyebrows stunning.  I think I will forbid her from ever getting them waxed. ahha which of course means she will end up with pencil thin brows 

 Our other good friends showed up and it was a fun surprise 

 I love this picture, but Shannon hates it because she said it doesn't look like she has lips. ahah

 I don't know what Shannon was thinking.  Paul for sure should have been the one to walk next to the ponies, not a 7 months pregnant Shannon. 

 Don't let Honey's face fool you.  We had a blast.