Back in a Funk

I have no idea what's going on with me. I seriously am a roller coaster of emotions. I miss Sweet Potato like nothing else. I know he was my "foster son", but he really wasn't. We thought 100% that we would be adopting him, everyone did. It's just really hard. Really hard. I hope that the boyfriend rule applies and I will be ok in half the time that we had him, but I really am thinking this is going to be a forever pain that I struggle to deal with. This episode of Parenthood probably doesn't help any. There is still a possibility of my friend being our surrogate, but I really want to adopt from Ethiopia. Since my hysterectomy it just felt right. I just want my own kid. (I know everyone who fosters or adopts knows that by my own, I mean in my arms... forever) With Ethiopia, how are we able to afford it? Will they close their program before we bring our child/ children home? I know I need to place all my faith in God, but I really need a direction. Any option we chose would most likely take 2 + years.

Being helpless is the worst feeling ever.