Yesterday

Yesterday was my 26th birthday! We went over my parents house and my best friend came over with her daughter. I see Shannon and Bea all the time, but I hadn't seen Bea in a while (at least a week). Bea is 9 months older than E and I know how much Bea loves her. Well when she saw me she starts saying "E? E? E!" So I take Bea into the living room where E was and Bea just yells "E!!!". E lights up. She is smiling, clapping her hands, laughing, and grabbing for Bea. I was laughing it was adorable. But Bea quickly got over seeing her and E was still super excited. She kept pulling her towards her while Bea was trying to get away. Then I remember how much loves her baby dolls. She smiles and kisses them and holds them close to her. For a 7 month old, I think that is pretty amazing. So of course I start to tear up. (I swear, I was never this emotional before becoming a mother.) This is an emotional journey and just the thought of my daughter never being able to share her secrets with her sister, never being able to make fun of mom and dad with anyone. It breaks my heart. I hope the adoption process is easier than this. (I know everyone who has gone through it is laughing at that statement.) But this is hard. We can start the process in March but we aren't even close to having the funds we need. I know it's all in God's timing, but God can we make it sooner rather than later?